Thursday 4th January

Blimey! It's the beginning of January & it looks like Spring outside...! Apparently it's supposed to snow soon -- we don't really get it us down south... It looks lovely on Christmas cards but I hate it when it goes slushy.

I haven't posted for a bit because I had a problem with my computer. Typical!

This blog is going to be hard to 'write' today. I feel so low at the moment - things are really grim.
My brother-In-Law, Bob, died last night. He had total organ-failure due to alcohol abuse. He was 60. His illness has caused a lot of stress for Geoff. I know I'm enough to cope with... Things have got so bad in our relationship that, if we didn't have the girls, I'd take a way out. I was talking to the practise nurse when I was having blood taken on Tuesday & I was telling her how I feel, she tried to get me to see a Dr but I refused. It just makes things more complicated.
Geoff had denied that I'd told him that I needed taking to the DRs on Tuesday. He turned round & yelled at me -- 'well now you've f***** my day' :O as if I'd do all this out of enjoyment!! I feel he justhates me and that he wants to do all this work & be involved in the church just to be away from me. Anyway, I phoned my mum to see if she could help & I was saying that I can't see the point in carrying on anymore, & then she went off on one at me!!! :O :O I was just so upset at that. She told me I was being dramatic! I'll tell you what dramamtic is -- when I worked at a Christian hospital we had some mental health patients; one night we spent the best part of the shift looking for a young girl who had said she was suicidal & then went missing. We eventually found her sitting up a tree--- that's dramatic!! So, I feel abandoned, both physically and spiritually.
When I went with Geoff to see Bob yesterday evening, I knew he wouldn't make it to the weekend, but I couldn't say that. People say 'how long has he got?' it's a question you can't answer, but experienced hospice nurses (like me) have clues. It was good to see his symptoms being managed well and that he was at peace. It's soothing to know that he's with his wife and his mum. He married again (off the rebound, shall we say) but his love was still with Anne. I silently prayed for peace in his soul last night. Geoff appears almost cheerful today. He's in his element, running around for everyone............

Anyway, let's get back to my real love (apart from my girls) -- scrapping!
I've managed to do loads of layouts this past few days. It's almost that I get more inspiration when I'm feeling worse.
I took masses of photos over Christmas & now I'm scrapping them 'hot off the press'!
I got covered in glitter yesterday trying to cover chipboard embellishments. I like getting messy when I'm fed up!!!
I can't believe that my Scrapaholics' club has been running for a whole year on the 18th January!! I'm having a party night to celebrate!

Anyway, now I've got my computer back I'll keep you up to date with everything.
Please pray for the soul of brother Bob, for the Baker family & friends as they cope with their grief, for my not coping well & for protection from Satan.