Just to say that I've got up to date with my emails now & for now I'm carrying on with my original email address. It was so pointless to even think about changing my email address as I have so many people who know my email addy and I've had it for so long.

I'm busy getting ready for Suzanne's weekend crop. It's not far away so if I'm needed I can get there - by taxi as my 'taxi driver husband' is having a 'bonding' weekend with the girls. It's going to be great meeting new fellow scrappers and catching up with scrapping friends.

I'm a bit concerned that, if I have such a bad night as I did last night, it will disturb her and that I'll get in a pickle. I was in that much pain last night that Geoff had to help me up and take me to the loo. I opened a new bottle of Oromorph (liquid Morphine, which I only use if I'm really bad) took my dose & then I accidentally dropped the bottle.... :( :( Geoff was really cross as It went on the carpet. I feel really crappy now.

My lovely friend Kim is coming later and we're going to have a "Scrap & Yap" session. She's an absolute angel - the bestest kind of friend you could have. She knows how to help me, what to say & is a great supporter. When there was an 'issue' last week, which left me totally drained of tears [which hadn't been shed since I lost my dad] and she was there right beside me, sharing my anger & distress. That's the kind of friend everybody needs. I count myself blessed by God in Kim.

Bye for now!

This is going to be a short entry on my blog [just for now].
I just want to inform anyone who's emailed me recently to contact me thru this blog if urgent/important. I've blocked my email for now as I have been receiving 'unnecessary' email (if you get what I mean...).
I'm probably going to have another email address, which I'll inform to those who are in my address book.

I'm trying to feel better by Suzanne's retreat (Friday to Sunday) but all recent happenings have taken my confidence away. But I'm going to look positive, enjoy meeting friends old & new, and to have time to sit & scrap without interruption!

Jen's baby is due any time now. She's very 'Mummy-ish' at the moment, she wants me around. Even though she's got the boys already she's really anxious. That's all to do with a certain midwife [who makes me feel ashamed of my profession] who came when Jen was in labour with Liam. I was accused of leaving her too long before calling her, but my daughter is like her mother -- super uterus! Short labours. This person was so aggressive that, had she been here, like she was with Callum, I would have chucked her out of my house (the mother / mother's advocate has every right to do this). The midwife concerned's name has been written in red across her notes and on the hospital computer - do not let this midwife have any part in this mother's care.
I've sent her home to have a rest in bed. She says her legs ache [like period pains] and she can't get comfortable.
Watch this space.....................

Friday 19th October

This posting will be a short one as I haven't the energy to go into any detail. I have been so upset, due to personal reasons, that I have cried so much -- I haven't been this upset since my dad died in 2000. I'm absolutely exhausted as a result, which is not good news for my FMS nor my heart condition that I've had since I had the blood clot in my lung last June. People can be so insensitive that it beggars belief.

As you all know, this blog was set up a) to 'talk' about my love of scrapbooking & to promote a certain company, which I have done, and put up my photos of my example of kit layout etc. and b) to talk about my family, who are the most important thing in my whole life, and how my disability affects them & how it has affected my life.

I wish to announce that I have set up my own scrapbooking Club - The Southborough Scrappers - which will be held on the third Thursday of each month. The next evening is the 15th November at 7.30pm and held at my house. I shall be demonstrating a technique each month & there will be a kit for you to try out the technique. The techniques will be appropriate for scrappers of all experiences, from neewbie to those who've been doing it for some time. The emphasis on my club nights is that we have loads of fun - oh, and as much tea, coffee, soft drinks that you require (thanks to my dear husband) as well as sweeties to keep your sugar levels up!! The cost of my evenings, which will cover the kit and refreshments, is £7.50.
In the new year, once Christmas has been & gone and the weather is gloomy, I'm opening my house up for social scrapping. Bring your own & have fun, that's the only rule I have!!

October 17th '07

Why is it, when you're feeling your lowest ever, that people decide to kick you in the side?
I feel that my life's not worth living anymore. I have to rely on others to get me around, & then they have to be people that I trust to help me if I should become unwell. I don't go out much, I'm stuck indoors 24/7 with only my little Westie & crap daytime TV to keep me going. My friends have to come to me, I can't go to them, as I'm so scared to go alone in case I have another heart attack or P.E. Life's the pits again for me.

My club night's this week- scrapbooking classes I run keep me in touch with the outside world. All of my 'members' are really actually my friends from church & long-time friends, especially Kim (who comes into both categories), Suzannne, Mel, Lynda, the two Mary's, Tam, Hayley, and those who shall not be named........ :0 They come to me because we have fun - which is the emphasis with my club nights, and we really do! I still hold my class even if I'm crawling along the floor in pain - people just don't understand the intensity of the pain I experience, it's undescribable- but I still run the class in loyalty to the Scrapaholics. This months' layout is using acetate overlays & monochrome papers & cardstock. Next months is using a stencil.
I look forward to running my class tomorrow. Now, isn't that loyalty?

I also enjoy going to 'outside' crops. Like the one at Meopham & the one to be run by Suzanne next weekend - in a 5* hotel!. It's nearby. I only need Geoff to take & fetch. I have a room which I'm sharing with a friend who I trust to help me if I need help. This one is really friendly, like the one Karen runs.
It's good to get out of my box once in a while. It's good to meet up with friends I've made at previous crops and to meet new ones.

I've actually taken the step of faith & started counselling to help me get through the bad days & suffering I'm experiencing & how it affects my whole family.
It's also a bit about how I suffered really bad bullying at school, both physical & emotional, and I'm still experiencing it now. I don't think it'll stop 'til I die.
I owe it to my 2 young girls, my eldest daughter with a complicated pregnancy, my son who's organising his wedding, to be strong even though I feel so weak.
I have to be strong for them - my family comes first.

OMG! I didn't realise that I hadn't done my blog for so long! I've had a lot going on lately. What with my daughter being due my granddaughter any time now, family & personal issues, and trying, with the aid of my lovely GP, to get my pain under control. One night last week I thought I was having a heart attack the pain in my chest was that bad. There's still a bit of fluid there but my GP says it's more than likely to be my Fibromyalgia that's causing the pain.
My poor [pregnant] daughter is suffering badly with this pregnancy & wants me around all the time for reassurance (I am a trained midwife); she has Vaginal Varices (Varicose veins in the vagina) which are caused by pressure from above. The baby is so low down that if she sneezes I'll be running to catch her!!! She needs to give birth in hospital which has disappointed her as she had the 2 boys at home (Me delivering), but there is such a high risk of rupture when the head is being born. She's seeing the consultant Thursday to see what the plan is. They may decide to do an Elective C-Section, to induce her (but she's still going to be at risk) or he may even say that there's no problem. I doubt it, that's wishful thinking on my behalf.
Her husband is suffering having pulled a muscle in his back. There's my poor daughter..............................................

I had a lovely day out last Saturday. I went out with my friend Kim to an all-day crop run by Total Papercrafts. It was fantastic. The classes were brilliant with really good value kits. Kim & I are having these Total Papercraft crops as our 'bonding' days. It was really good as Kim helps me if I need it & I took one of my loungers so I could rest if I needed to , which I did & I'm glad I did so. I would never have lasted the day otherwise. Karen had her shop there - kindly run by Pauline so it freed Karen up to do the classes. There were some really good bargains that seemed to jump into my bag :0 I just couldn't help it!!
The classes start going up on the TP website tomorrow evening. Last time it was a job to get them. I was on site at 7pm when they were due to go up & they'd sold out..... :( I'll be a bit quicker this time.

I'm staying at our local posh hotel this weekend. My friend Suzanne is running a cropping weekend there & I'm staying to support her. It's easier having a room so I can go for a rest whenever I feel like it so I don't get over-tired which is bad news. Kim's just going as a day punter -- I couldn't persuade her to stay :(
I hope & pray that the weekend goes well without any problems. The last one went really well. It's close to where my daughter lives too, so if I'm needed I haven't far to go.

I'll keep you all posted on any progress with my new granddaughter!