Whoops

Sorry that I didn't get round to doing the sample layout as promised. I had all intention of doing it but as my son gets married on Saturday, everything has gone a bit haywire round here. I'm trying to get my head round the fact that i felt so left out, in comparison to my input with jen's wedding. Kelly did ask me to help with the 'favours' - we did those on Saturday afternoon - and Ian has now decided to leave from here after all, instead of going from my Sister-in-law's place, as I was so upset (he made me cry).
I know I have let my family down, having this Fibromyalgia. I have lost all my energy & enthusiasm with life, and I get so hyper-sensitive. I would give my eye teeth to be like I was before I got this, but I know I have to accept that I won't be like I was but instead to make good use of my good / better days to do something worthwhile (at the moment it's a bit of spring cleaning). My counsellor has helped me to come to terms with my loss of self-esteem & self-worth. I know I have skills that I can use but it's taking that step of faith.... My scrapping evenings give me such pleasure.

Manic Monday!

Sorry haven't been on here for a bit but the ol' gremlins have been at me again. They make my legs go spastic & twisted at night so I have to call out (very loudly) to my husband to come & help me to ease the pain. He has to massage my legs & they twtch like mad. My arms twitch too; when I was holding my baby granddaughter yesterday I had to pass her over as my hand was having a life of its own. This is a relatively new aspect to my illness. It started happening following my awful experience in the Kent & Sussex Hospital (aka "Kent & Snuffit!")in February. I'm still awaiting a response to my letter of complaint, the letter has gone to the chief exec, and they have asked if they could have a 2 week extension as their investigation is taking more time. I still get upset when I think or talk about my experience & I'm very nervous when I go out, I can't wait to get home. My Faith has also taken a battering, I feel I cannot worship a God who has dealt all this to me. I have loads of friends in our church who visit me & bring food round so Geoff doesn't have to cook, so I feel guilty but I'm reassured that my faith will return. It reminds me of the poem 'Footsteps'.

I will be holding my club nite, as scheduled, on Thursday coming (19th). I have some wonderful kits that require lots of cutting & chalking. I will have a large selection of chalks for you to try. The kit suits a black & white photo. I will do an example today (hopefully) & post it up on here. I look forward to seeing you all!!

My son gets married on Saturday, to Kelly. The wedding, a civil marriage, is taking place in a hotel in Tunbridge Wells. Whereas I was full-on with my daughter jenny's wedding preparations, I have had very little involvement with Ian's. I feel a bit left-out really, but it's up to them.
The girls are being bridesmaids. They are wearing ruby red dresses in a grown-up style. The colour compliments their skin colour. I can't say any more in case he reads this!! He's my only son (my eldest) and he's so much like my dad (who died in 2000). My dad would have been very proud of him, the way he's got himself settled in a career and I know he would have liked Kelly.
I'm proud of all my 4 children. I make it sure that I tell them how much I love them & how proud I am of each one of them every day. My relationship with Jen has blossomed & I love the [smelly] socks off her. Since I've been ill the relationship I have with my children, my husband & my mum has changed completely. The 2 youngest - Lizzie, as she likes to be called, is 12 and Alice is 10 - they argue as to whos turn it is to change my Morphine patch for me! They can't wait to get into their pyjamas & join me in my [single] bed when they come home from school, for a cuddle. On most days my body can't cope beyond 3 or 4pm and I have to rest.

Anyway, I think that's all for now. My neck is burning where I have Spondylosis, so I have to limit the time I sit unsupported. I have one of those ergonomic chairs which are good for the lower back but it doesn't help my neck.
Thanks for reading my blog. My counter gave up at 1,600 odd hits! I'll get round to replacing it. Bye for now!

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Thursday 15th - Club nite tonite!

Just to say that I have got some gorgeous kits for tonight. There are 4 papers, 2 cardstock, a full A4 sheet of good quality chipboard (swirls & hearts), plus a large bloom. I shall be putting out paints, inks, ink pads, stickles & other glitter glues. As I only got the kits yesterday I haven't been able to do my sample (?!) but, hopefully, I shall be sitting and scrapping with you as there are a couple of spare places (one's in Greece [lucky thing] and another is painting the town red in celebrating a friends' birthday - at least you don't get a hangover when you come to my scrapping club!! LOL).
As I've been out-of-sorts and have really lost my "mojo" it might just kick me back into touch. At the moment I can't see the point of getting out of bed at the moment & I'm sick to the back teeth of well-meaning people saying that I should pull myself together & look up instead of down; my husband told me to "get up off my fat arse & do something", great, even my husband's not on my side anymore. People who don't understand Fibromyalgia should look it up (NHS Direct) before trying to run my life for me. Anyway, that's it for now as I've got to clear up my dining room ready for 'the girls' this evening - 7.30pm as usual. I really look forward to my club nights and seeing everyone. I'm virtually housebound so I get a bit lonely sometimes. Scrapbooking is so cathartic for me - it keeps me going & that's why I want my mojo back & also to get points for my team "Distressed Divas" on UKScrappers (www.ukscrappers.co.uk) as I've let them down lately with 'nil points' for 3 months :( See you soon!

Wednesday warm & sunny - it's Summer!!

Hi! Just a quickie to say I'm back from a very wet Scotland. Yes, they let me down this year with the weather & gave us rain instead of the lovely sunny weather we usually get. It never rains on my birthday (I was 50 on Wednesday 30th April) but it went out of its way to be lousy this year - just about summed it up really. It was a difficult holiday. I think I'm still recovering from my hospital experience, I just couldn't keep awake & kept nodding off all the time - much to the annoyance of my DH as I kept snoring and yawning all the time. It doesn't matter that I've put up with his row for all the 29 years we've been married, he just has to make a fuss about it. I have Fibromyalgia for goodness' sake, I have all-consuming, overwhelming, fatigue. That is not the 'tired all the time' (also known as TATT in the medical profession) but the type of fatigue that knocks you over. The so-called 'special day' passed without a fuss. My 40th was awful as I had postnatal depression and my eldest daughter had 'gone off the rails' and had been expelled from school a month before her GCSE's. My 50th was bound to be extra special ????????? Oh well, maybe my 60th may just be better????
I'm running the scrapping club nite as usual on the third Thursday (15th May). I think I'll be in contact with Karen for a kit this month if it's not too late. I'll keep you posted. I got my 'Scrapjammies' kit today! I just love getting parcels (even if I have to pay for them!!!). Mind you, I still have SJ kits from January as well as 'Back Porch Memories'. I've lost my "mojo" a bit since I was ill but I'm sure it will come back.
The sunny days make me feel a whole lot better. I'm in the process of cleaning the jets in my whirlpool bath (you get bits in the water if you haven't used it for a while) with Milton (cheaper than the manufactured product and I used it to clean the pipes in the caravan when we had it). The dog thought she was in for a bath - just to add insult to injury after she had her jabs at the vet yesterday - and she was off!!! I also finished unpacking the case from Scotland --- you know, that suitcase unpacking fairy just keeps missing me out..........
Rosie was naughty when we were away and played up the 'dog sitter'. Now she will only have her for a week in August instead of 2 that she was happy to do as she did last year. It means we can only go away for the week (New Wine, Somerset) and not have the second week to wind down and enjoy the wonderful scenery down there. I'm sure Rosie only played up because I'd recently been in hospital and she thought it had happened again, because she really loves Rozina & Leonard. I hope it won't affect our relationship with them.
Animals are as bad as kids sometimes.
I have just joined 'Facebook' - after encouragement from my [lovely] eldest daughter, Jenny. I have put my blog on my profile, so, welcome to anyone who has popped in to read my blog (sorry it's not more interesting, I do try!) I must dash off - need to finish the bathroom before I flag out & am left with all the stuff form the drawers all over the floor (they were so dusty) and a bath full of milton (that would make me clean!! lol). Where does all that fluff & dust come from??? Bye bye, God blessXXX

Friday 11th April

Just a quick entry to say sorry that I haven't done an entry on my blog for a while. I'm still getting over my traumatic hospital stay. I saw my GP last Friday because I just can't get going. Some days (in fact most days) I can't even get out of bed, I can't see the point any more. She said that I've been so traumatised, both physically and emotionally, that it's going to take a while for me to get over it.
I'm still [trying] to do my letter of complaint to the Maidstone & Tunbridge Wells NHS Trust, but I can't get motivated. I've done a copy on my PC & I need to 'tweek' it a bit so I don't waffle.
I found out from a friend that they had to shut the ward concerned to visitors...... Mmmm.. interesting.

I'm aiming to still run my class on the 17th. The kit will be the Bazill 'Stitchz' layout as mentioned before. I shall be trying to do my sample to show you. These new cardstocks are so versatile. I just love sewing on layouts. The theme is 'Love'. I'm keeping my prices as before and will promise to make the kits good value for money.
I've got a Gynae appontment in the afternoon of the class. I had a really bad haemorrhage last Friday (hence visit to GP) and, as I have completed my menopause, my GP wanted to refer me to the Gynae people. The appointment came through really quick, I don't think I would have got it any quicker had we used our medical insurance. I'm sure it's my 'lodger' aka fibroid - at least I hope so. I have never bled so much. I had 2 pads but I was horrified to find, when I came out from my counselling, that I had blood pouring down my legs. Throughout all my years of periods I never had anything like this, it wasn't good. I'm hoping it won't happen again but it's better to get it checked out. There's always something happening to me... I'm sure someone's got it in for me... Anyway, I'm sure I'll be okay to do the class as planned.

My aim for this weekend is to finalise my daughter's wedding scrapbook. I've done the layouts, I just need to finish embellishing, putting photos on or journalling some of them. I think that, when I've done that, it will kick-start me back to scrapping again.
I've also got to make some thank you cards for all the ladies from our church who got together a rota to feed the family when I was so ill, and we still get a casserole brought round. Our church is so good like that. I know I have been covered by prayer, especially when I was 'touch & go'. When you have been so poorly you certainly find out who your true friends are. My mum never got a mother's day nor an Easter card so I'm going to do something special for her.

Sunday 30th March 2008

So sorry I haven't made an entry in my blog for a while but I have been really, really poorly. I had a major flare-up of my Fibromyalgia & ended up with another bout of pneumonia. I refused to go into hospital at first - I had on-call doctor plus ambulance people trying to force me to go in but I dug my heels in, but then my husband called the doctor in again as I was all over the place & I was forced to go in. The ward they put me on was dreadful & the nursing care was non-existent - I had one junior sister verbally abusing me at one point. They'd suddenly stopped all my medication (including the morpine) for whatever reason that no-one could answer. So, in effect, they put me through "cold turkey" - it was absolutely horrendous. I was actually ashamed of my own profession. They left me for hours vomiting & have uncontrollable diarrhoea (sorry for too much info but it was so undignifying). I knew I was written up for anti-sickness injection as one lovely night sister gave me some via my drip. One care assistant discontinued my drip because the machine kept bleeping due to the position of the cannula in the fold of my arm. I couldn't tolerate even a sip of water so I was dehydrated!! She also took away my oxygen so I went from 4L a minute (a lot) to nothing just like that. They didn't have a clue. It turns out that I am allergic to the antibiotic. All I wanted (and needed) was to rest but this particular sister took away all my bedlinen so I had to sit in the chair. I was freezing cold, puking & everyone ignored me, prefering to sit & natter at the nurses desk (opposite my bed so they couldn't fail to see what a state I was in) & my eldest daughter (who has been a real support to me) said thay were reading 'chat' magazines. I asked for an urgent commode (the loo was too far away) and I was told blatantly that I couldn't have one & I ended up shitting my self like an old incontinent lady. This sister also yelled at me when I dropped my drink, because I had lost my spatial awareness, "Oh god, what have you done now" & scowling at me. Crumbs, if we'd shouted at patients like that we'd have been up before the matron. It would never have happened. It wasn't like they were short staffed either, so they weren't run off their feet.
The consultant I was under couldn't have read my notes properly as he was talking about my DVT & Pulmonary Embolism which I was hopitalised for in summer 2006. He didn't listen to my chest at all. I told him I was going home and he said "okay". So I was discharged having had no fluids for over a week. I got out of there because I feared for my life. As I walked (my husband couldn't find a wheelchair) from the ward to the car I was willing myself along & prayed that I wouldn't collapse and have to go back. As I walked I was leaking. It was horrendous, I still have nightmares over it. My husband was moaning & calling me stubborn. He is such a 'yes' man he wasn't my advocate at all. he couldn't see that I was being neglected. I just feel that when I'm in hospital I'm out of the way.
When we got home my husband contacted on-call care and a doctor came out and he was astonished at the state of me. He gave me an injection to stop the sickness. My own Gp (and friend) was amazed at the lack of care and was mystified as to why they felt they should stop all my medication. I was exhausted because my nerves & muscles were all tensed & tingling and I was very dehydrated. She gave me some cyclizine (brilliant drug) which succeeded in easing the sickness. Once I got back on the Amitriptylline (a drug for neuropathic pain) everything stopped "jumping around". I'm back on all my medication but I haven't gone back on the slow-release morphine, I'm just having the Fentanyl patch. I lost a stone & a half in a week (not that it shows).
I was admitted to hospital overnight of the 20th February and it's taken me 'til now to start feeling anywhere near better. I had to have a 'duvet day' yesterday as my legs were so painful - I wish they'd chop them off so I don't get such pain. This morning I felt peculiar, it felt like it was all going to happen again. I still have bad dreams about it all & I find it hard to get to sleep as my mind is going haywire.
It was my daughter Jenny who did all the supporting & I'm making her my carer & advocate on a document that I'm drawing up so that, if I have to go in again (which I probably will) she will do all my care etc. I'm also in the process of making an official complaint about the standard of nursing care on the ward & how that sister abused me verbally.

Sorry I had to cancel two club nites. I am aiming, positively, to run the April class on the 17th. I shall be using the kit that I had made up for February. It's a Love theme. The kit contains a sheet of the new bazill pre-pricked cardstock with hearts you can sew, sheets of gorgeous double-sided papers, 2 crocheted flowers, brads, two generous lengths of ribbon fibres in pink & green & some DMC embroidery floss in various colours. I will get an example done, God willing. The min's willing but the body's a mile behind!!!

Bless you all who have sent cards or visited. I have really found out who my real friends are. The people at church set up a rota to provide dinners so that Geoff didn't have to do any cooking. That was so appreciated by everyone. It's acts of kindness like that that make you realise that there are such good & compassionate people around. God bless them all.