I feel a little bit better today, having spent the best part of the day in bed yesterday. People (and family) have just got to come to accept that I have no choice except to rest when I feel as bad with the pain. I had to have some Oromorph last night but I had to open a fresh bottle & it was one of the rogue 'twist off' lids that occasionally have one that you can't, however hard you try, get the pesky lid off. I ended up shooting it all down my front and I had to change my 'jamas. I couldn't have been quiet if I tried. Anyway, if I was disturbing DH he could have got the lid off for me......
I eventually got over my session of depression yesterday. Once Suzanne came and the girls settled in for a cuddle & a lovely roast beef dinner from my DH, I decided that I don't have the problem. I need to pace myself so that I don't end up having these sessions because I've over-done things. I need to 'listen' to myself & not feel guilty about it.
I'm hoping I might even get a few pages of the curates' album done today. I must get going on it as we're 'presenting' it on Sunday. :oO I must get going peeps.
Bye!!

I didn't realise that I hadn't posted for so long... I have been suffering badly with Fibromyalgic pain and has knocked me off my feet. I feel dreadful. I wonder sometimes if I'd be better off somewhere else...
My DD is back to where she left off from when I was poorly in June. I knew it wouldn't be too long before she started on me again. I'm, apparently, interfering with her wedding arrangements, well good luck to her then. She's going to be 5 months pregnant when she gets married. Can't even get that right, but this time I don't have to do the worrying - Carl can see her at her best.
I've had some great news -- my son, Ian, is getting married next June - 21st. Kelly is going to be the best daughter-in-law any mum can ever have. She's so caring.
I feel dreadful. I'm going back to bed.
Bye!

Windy Tuesday

Sorry I've been 'off' for a couple of days but I was absolutely knackered after the weekend retreat. It was brilliant, well done to Babs for all her hard work & to 'Owl' for jutst being there when I was about to 'crash' because of a fellow-attender. I just felt a spiritual negativity in the room. What we should have done was to have 'cleansed' the room with prayer before we started, but Babs was so nervous about everything as it was her first retreat, it got forgotten.
It's very difficult when someone comes to one of these retreats with 'baggage' not to take it on board. But I thought someone went a bit OTT when we were eating in the restaurant & chatting between courses, I, mistakenly, made a flippant remark about one of the ladies who comes to my scrapaholics class as being 'a flower lady'. I couldn't believe it when this person yelled at me in the restaurant :oO She went at me all guns ablazing. I was really upset. Ended up having problems breathing & started to cough & caught my breath. Thanks to Babs for going back to the room for my Oxygen. This person kept on & on about how doing flowers is her work for the Lord, but we all work for the Lord in our own way, great or small. I couldn't believe it when I fell asleep at the table in the restaurant!!! Babs had to wake me up! The conversation got a bit uninspiring...
There were 7 of us at this retreat. I think there was only the 3 of us that were serious scrappers [me, Babs & Owl]. I, stupidly, didn't take one of my albums with me for examples for those who didn't scrap. I found teaching my class a real struggle, especially when they kept nattering all the time then I had to keep repeating evetything. Ggrrrrr...
There was a lot to be learnt from this retreat. Babs is pulling everything apart to see where we could make changes. My only feeling was about cost. As there were fewer of us we had to pay more, and I have a sneaky suspicion that Babs ran at a loss; if she took a step of faith and advertised the retreat at a lower cost, I think she would get more punters interested.

I was so excited when I got home. My Blue Badge had arrived!!! To me it acknowledges that I do have a disability and it has been recognised. They sent a sheet of useful items & badges to purchase, such as the usual wheelchair symbol but also 'please leave me enough space to open my door fully' (now I don't have to try & squeeze into the car - if people adhere to it...) & 'Disabled Passenger on board'. I got a cushion that you can turn on to get out of the car. But the main thing is being able to park in the Disabled bays in the car parks & at supermarkets. I also bought a 'Radar' key, which opens all disabled loos, as I have sudden urgency micturition as part of my syndrome.

I'm still teetering on applying to do the 10 week OU course in Photography. I don't feel that confident to do it... I know I'll regret it if I don't, especially now I have this posh camera.

Ian (my eldest) is now also busy planning his marriage to Kelly. They are getting married next May as far as I know but co-habiting until then, in Tunbridge Wells. Kelly lives in Derby.

OMG! It's snowing!! The wind is sharp too. I'm glad I'm not going out!!
The weather doesn't know what to do. We had Spring, now we have winter...
I'm getting stiff so I must close down.
Bye!!

Blasted chest pain

I've got yet another chest infection; back on Oxygen, heavy antibiotics & pain killers.. Blasted chest. There was me thinking I was almost off the Oxygen but now I'm back on it again :o( Blasted chest.
I'm [supposed to be] going on a weekend Christian Scrapping event at the Dartford Hilton (quick- where's me cozzie!!!!!!!) I'm hoping to actually get into the Jacuzzi this time. At the retreat 2 weeks ago, I crashed out completely with Morphine and slept for a whole afternoon! It made me feel better but I missed out going in the Jacuzzi &/or scrapping. This is the way my FMS controls my life. It drives me mad.... Grrrrrr.. I think having one more day of the antibiotics will hit the infection on the head.
Anyway I'm going to keep this short & sweet as I've got so much to do:
* Pack :oO
* Do 7 kits for a class
* Make a Mother's Day Card
* Sort out my stash
* Do the church newsletter
* Go to church to print newsletter

See you soon!!
Gillxxxx

It's still a sunny day. Daren't say too much or it'll rain!!!
The best part of this weather warming is that I can get my laundry on the line. I know this sounds a bit saddo but I love to sniff clothes that have been dried outside.

I still have this cough & pain in my left side of my chest ... again... I have to go & lie down. I'll try & get back on later.
Sorry.
Bye!

It must be Spring!!

The birds are singing and getting things ready for their nests & frantically doing you-know-what everywhere... The sun is shining, which automatically makes you feel better... the leaves are turning green again.. and the clocks will be changing soon (this weekend I think). I love the longer evenings.
Spring is my very favourite season.
It represents new life.

I'm a bit fed up still, because I've got my cough back & I'm needing Oxygen again :o( If I still have the cough tomorrow I'll have to see the DR as I'm not supposed to leave it. I have a horrid taste in my mouth, which is very dry. It's going to make flying awkward.... I'll have to get onto the Airline, order O2 at Scotland & I've also got to order a wheelchair as my "Mabel" will take up too much of the space in the car [in fact it takes up all the room]. It just means I have to rely on someone to push me around :o(
Does Scotland have a Red Cross or similar ---- do any of you blog-readers know?? That's where we get our wheelchair from when we are in Somerset.

I've got to make up 7 kits for a class at the retreat this Saturday / Sunday. I'm going to do the hidden layout again. I have emailed the girl who's layout I 'scrap lifted' and she was flattered that I wanted to use it & that I'm welcome to use it any time. That is Scrapbook 'etiqette', to acknowledge original person who did the layout.

I just might do a bit of scrapbooking or make up a few more kits for the weekend. I must get motivated or I'll just give up. I'm still Suffering from severe pain in different 'focal points', typical of FMS but you can't do anything except take pain relief and rest (that makes me feel lazy).
I must do some more 'Pencillines' sketches which help you in layouts when a scrapbooker has lost their 'Mojo'. Also you can draw a layout from a magazine as long as you say "Based on a layout by----------" It helps no end. When you start using a sketch you realise that it actually doesn't look anything like the sketch!

Anyway, I must say 'Bye Bye' as my bum is getting numb sitting in one place (a naughty thing to do when you have FMS). Take good care peeps!

Fed up Sunday.....

Writing my blog today is going to be difficult. I am really struggling - with life, family issues & my spiritual life. I feel as if I'm crawling the ground pulling myself along using my finger nails. The ground is as dry as my mouth is and the heat beats down on me like the sweats I get. No-one understands just how people who suffer from FMS actually suffer - unseen pain, in places you don't normally experience. People who say 'well you look okay to me' and look at me as if they know what FMS is & think they are experts.
I ask for prayer on-line because I'm suffering with my DD again & get stupid reactions about risk of libel from my daughter & her friends - what???? Life has gone wonky on me. I was suffering with my relationship with the Lord before all this, but now ........ I don't know if there is anyone out there who does actually care about me - does God really lay his hands upon me? If God did care for me then why do I get all this physical & attitude?????????
I struggle with every single day of the week. If the phone rings I'm terrified that it's going to be DD so I let it ring. I'm terrified about going out alone --- people don't get that either. My DH turned round to me yesterday and said "you need to get off your a**** and get on with it". I'm frightened of having another PE -- my clotting is still iffy & my Warfarin's going up. I'm needing Oxygen again after almost getting off it. I have these involuntary jerks & spasms that send everything flying -- I've burnt myself with hot drinks. My nerves 'pop' & cause a weird kind of pain. I have excruciating pain in my spine cause by Spondylosis and my spine 'slips' and causes excruciating pain when I walk. Who actually cares???
My mum says if I didn't have the girls I could go to her, but I don't want to not have my girls - even when they have 'Attitude'. So, as they say, I'm caught between a rock & a hard place.
I enjoy my scrapbooking, but my DD says 'you're not too sick to do that are you?'

My body looks like a blob. I need to get my wedding outfit, but all I see is this blob standing there. My drugs make me put weight on like mad. I'm going to be the Mother-of-the-bride wearing my pyjamas & slippers, no hat, nor one of the daft head garments that look like a bird has flown into your head & popped it's clogs - they look hideous. It's meant to be a special event between mum & daughter / bride to be, shopping for the wedding dress & outfit for mum -- but it's just not going to happen. She's more worried about her friends who she says aren't her friends but they are.

I'm going back to bed now, while Geoff has taken the girls out, and watch soppy films, read a book or magazine. Yummy! The dog will probably join me... Me & my dog - like a homeless vagrant...