Fed up Sunday.....

Writing my blog today is going to be difficult. I am really struggling - with life, family issues & my spiritual life. I feel as if I'm crawling the ground pulling myself along using my finger nails. The ground is as dry as my mouth is and the heat beats down on me like the sweats I get. No-one understands just how people who suffer from FMS actually suffer - unseen pain, in places you don't normally experience. People who say 'well you look okay to me' and look at me as if they know what FMS is & think they are experts.
I ask for prayer on-line because I'm suffering with my DD again & get stupid reactions about risk of libel from my daughter & her friends - what???? Life has gone wonky on me. I was suffering with my relationship with the Lord before all this, but now ........ I don't know if there is anyone out there who does actually care about me - does God really lay his hands upon me? If God did care for me then why do I get all this physical & attitude?????????
I struggle with every single day of the week. If the phone rings I'm terrified that it's going to be DD so I let it ring. I'm terrified about going out alone --- people don't get that either. My DH turned round to me yesterday and said "you need to get off your a**** and get on with it". I'm frightened of having another PE -- my clotting is still iffy & my Warfarin's going up. I'm needing Oxygen again after almost getting off it. I have these involuntary jerks & spasms that send everything flying -- I've burnt myself with hot drinks. My nerves 'pop' & cause a weird kind of pain. I have excruciating pain in my spine cause by Spondylosis and my spine 'slips' and causes excruciating pain when I walk. Who actually cares???
My mum says if I didn't have the girls I could go to her, but I don't want to not have my girls - even when they have 'Attitude'. So, as they say, I'm caught between a rock & a hard place.
I enjoy my scrapbooking, but my DD says 'you're not too sick to do that are you?'

My body looks like a blob. I need to get my wedding outfit, but all I see is this blob standing there. My drugs make me put weight on like mad. I'm going to be the Mother-of-the-bride wearing my pyjamas & slippers, no hat, nor one of the daft head garments that look like a bird has flown into your head & popped it's clogs - they look hideous. It's meant to be a special event between mum & daughter / bride to be, shopping for the wedding dress & outfit for mum -- but it's just not going to happen. She's more worried about her friends who she says aren't her friends but they are.

I'm going back to bed now, while Geoff has taken the girls out, and watch soppy films, read a book or magazine. Yummy! The dog will probably join me... Me & my dog - like a homeless vagrant...