October 17th '07

Why is it, when you're feeling your lowest ever, that people decide to kick you in the side?
I feel that my life's not worth living anymore. I have to rely on others to get me around, & then they have to be people that I trust to help me if I should become unwell. I don't go out much, I'm stuck indoors 24/7 with only my little Westie & crap daytime TV to keep me going. My friends have to come to me, I can't go to them, as I'm so scared to go alone in case I have another heart attack or P.E. Life's the pits again for me.

My club night's this week- scrapbooking classes I run keep me in touch with the outside world. All of my 'members' are really actually my friends from church & long-time friends, especially Kim (who comes into both categories), Suzannne, Mel, Lynda, the two Mary's, Tam, Hayley, and those who shall not be named........ :0 They come to me because we have fun - which is the emphasis with my club nights, and we really do! I still hold my class even if I'm crawling along the floor in pain - people just don't understand the intensity of the pain I experience, it's undescribable- but I still run the class in loyalty to the Scrapaholics. This months' layout is using acetate overlays & monochrome papers & cardstock. Next months is using a stencil.
I look forward to running my class tomorrow. Now, isn't that loyalty?

I also enjoy going to 'outside' crops. Like the one at Meopham & the one to be run by Suzanne next weekend - in a 5* hotel!. It's nearby. I only need Geoff to take & fetch. I have a room which I'm sharing with a friend who I trust to help me if I need help. This one is really friendly, like the one Karen runs.
It's good to get out of my box once in a while. It's good to meet up with friends I've made at previous crops and to meet new ones.

I've actually taken the step of faith & started counselling to help me get through the bad days & suffering I'm experiencing & how it affects my whole family.
It's also a bit about how I suffered really bad bullying at school, both physical & emotional, and I'm still experiencing it now. I don't think it'll stop 'til I die.
I owe it to my 2 young girls, my eldest daughter with a complicated pregnancy, my son who's organising his wedding, to be strong even though I feel so weak.
I have to be strong for them - my family comes first.