Oh, what a horrid day I've had today :(

I've had the worse day ever since I've had this illness, not with pain but with Geoff. I have to have lifts to the Drs as I'm on Morpine and also because I have such bad pains in my knees. It's been obvious that Geoff resents this for a long time. It appears that the love and care he felt for me after I had that illness in the Summer, has now worn off.
He basically told me to "get up off my fat a*** and do it myself".I explained to him that I shouldn't drive when I'm on Morphine - and his answer was "well everyone else does". You see, my husband has this ability to see into everyone elses lives & minds so he knows what every single person is doing at that moment... Anyway, I said it's only his dad who drinks a bottle of whiskey a day on top of Warfarin & blood pressure tablets - the same man who called me a witch and Geoff never backed me up.
I had another appointment to see a Dras I've been coughing again and... I won't go into details. Anyway, this appointment was at 10.50 when my blood test was at 9.10am. I said I'd be happy to sit & wait in the waiting room between appointments and call him when I came out. He then started to blast on at me, treating me like a childand then screeched to a halt, turned round and dumped me back at home.
I rang my mum, who said she could take me to Dr tomorrow but not today. Then she went on that she didn't wanted to get involved and said that she feels uncomfortable when he's around as she feels as though he's 'tutting' at her. I said that that's what he does to me all the time, as well as rolling his eyes over the top of his head witha grimace on his face. So she advises me that we need to get therapy.. well that would go down well (his mum always looked on people who needed therapy as weak), and he'd refused to even talk to the Gp saying there was no point.
The last thing mum said was that I should ring Pat (Rectors wife) and talk to her. Geoff puts in so much time at the church that I feel he does what he does there just to getaway from me. He hates me, he doesn't have to say it, butI'm not having him put my mums & my relationship in jeopardy especially as we've got so close recently.
So, with appointments cancelled with me crying my guts up to the lovely receptionist, I promptly went to my scrapbookking albums and took out the 2 layouts of him and ripped them into shreds. I couldn't bear the idea of facing all the sentiments I'd included as they are untrue. I feel as if I'm married to his (late) mother, as he seems to be develping the same traits she had.Especially the bit about knowing what everyone else is doing / does.
Then I went to bed, taking 2 hot wheat-bags & a hot drink. I then took a huge slugg of my liquid Morphine and tucked down in bed with my little dog. I ignored all phone calls because I wanted to.
I've Emailed Gerald, the Rector, and told him that I was giving up the notice sheet because I'm fed up with people moaning that items have / haven't gone in, that the article had wrong date, blah, blah, blah. So, doing the notice sheet just adds fuel to the fire in my struggle with my faith.
I've also asked him that I give up doing the CRB (Criminal Records for children's workers) for the whole parish as geoff insists on poking his nose in as he knows everything about that too and says I'm doing it all wrong.- OMG! He's an Einstein!! Anyway, as I said to Gerald, the CRB has caused more rows between us than anything else in our 33 year relationship, how trivial is that...
He came home and acted as if nothing had happened in the morning - he always does that. Up at the church everybody protects him & makes excuses for him -- it's as if I'm putting this illness on.. oh yeah, loss of independance, personal & monetary, loss of career, and loss of being able to be mobile - I can't even take the dog out for a walk & no-one will offer to do it for me either.

Carried on from previous day as computer acting up..
Geoff hadmade an appointment for me to see a Dr yesterday & I saw a Dr I hadn't seen before & she was the best person ever for me to see at this bad time. She is a committed Christian & she goes to our church! What a coincidence! She goes to the evening service as she prefers the 'no frills' kind of service.Anyway, she was so comforting, listened to everything I said and made suggestions but didn't push me. Anyway, physically I've got yet another chest infection. She Ummed & aahed for a while because I mentioned that there was fresh blood in the 'muck' but I said that the pain was no way near the pain I had when I had the PEs, so she took my word & I'm now on yet another load of anti-b's....
Regarding the issues of Geoff & his attitude he's developed against she said I didn't have to do anything I didn't feel like doing. Regarding my 'loss of faith' she assured me that Jesus was still with me band he would always be, even if I didn't feel He was.
In the afternoon a friend rang to say that she was coming round and so did the Rectors wife. They were both very concerned about me as they had seen how bad I was on Sunday. I, personally, think that my mum had phoned Pat but she denied it. They both prayed for me.
So, I've given up the CRB resposibility, the notice sheet responsibility, I only go to church when I want to & if I didn't feel like going then I shouldn't be pushed.
Geoff's at the 'high church' of our parish doing the 3 stations of the cross for 3 hours so I'm left with the girlsHow exciting...
Jenny came round earlier & we ended up back at the beginning regarding hair & head gear for the the bridesmaids & she says that she wants them to have their hair straightened -- but the dresses have such beautiful detail which will be obscured, so rather pointless. She still maintains she's done everything for the wedding -- very funny -- she's done practically zilch. So, I'm stepping back & letting her get on with it & I'll be wearing the old clothes I've had for over 15 years which I wear for any event. The tradition is that the bmum goes with the bride to choose her dress (Jen went with her friend then rang Geoff to say she needed this dress paid for...)and then the bride should go with her mum to choose her outfit (I doubt if she could even be bothered). I'm so sick of her attitude. I'm fed up with her attitude. When I told her I'd got, yet another, chest infection, she said she'd got an itchy boob!!!!????
This blog is running all slow & I'm I'm running blind so I'll close now.