Sunny Wednesday

I had a wonderful time at Suzanne's crop on Saturday. I managed to do 3 layouts & actually managed to finish the final layout in Jen & Carl's wedding album!!!! Do I hear a cheer??!!! I wasn't sure I'd manage to cope with the whole day but I wanted to give it a go & I managed to get to 3pm, dead chuffed!
It was great to catch up on old friends & those from my 'club'. There was much interest in photos of my beautiful granddaughter and her brilliant blue eyes.
Poor little soul has been through the mill this week. She has cut 4 teeth all at once, has an ear infection, chest infection & a throat infection. Jen was concerned about the measles risk as it's going around now that fewer mum's are uptaking the MMR jab for their babies. She didn't have the signs ('Koplick's spots' on tongue & behind the ears), just a heat rask from the fever. She would be getting Jen's antibodies as she's still breast feeding, so she's better off --- another good reason for prolonged breast feeding!!! When Jen told the Doctor (an old work colleague of mine) that all Amy wants to do is suck at the breast, he said "I don't blame her"!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, she's much better now that she's had 48 hours worth of anti's inside her & she actually slept last night.

My group will be running as usual tomorrow evening, as lobg as you don't mind the dining room being in a bit of a mess. I thought everything would be sorted with the building work in the conservatory, but there are 'snags' and they've got to come back. Grrr... I shall be doing the second of the Totalpapercrafts monthly kits. I still have loads of last months' kits for those who were away -- a nice bright kit (My Mind's Eye Day Dream).
I shall be running the group as a social group twice a month -- the first & third Thursday's of each month. I won't be supplying kits or doing formal teaching now as I feel you're all way ahead now, so it will just be a group of happy scrappers. I will put out my box of unused kits if anyone missed one or wants to do a second page.
I look forward to seeing you all!!

Right. First of all I thank the person who left an abusive comment on my blog. I have reported you to the people who host the blog. I hope that one day the bottom will drop out of your world. I know who you are. You're sick in the head & need to see a shrink. Don't bother to comment again - I have blocked you.

Suprise suprise, it's dry today!!! I have been up since the girls went to school. I am preparing to go to an all-day crop tomorrow, so I'm busy getting kits made up, then I don't have to take so much. It's great to get together with my friends & class members. I know I'll be able to finally finish Jen & Carl's album! Then I have to start my son's. The problem I had in doing Jen's album was that she had the most gorgeous granddaughter! She is so photogenic, you can't not take photos of her. I'm going to do a diploma in photography at our local college. I want to do weddings and births. Couples lose out on seeing their baby actually born, and, as I am a qualified midwifery sister, I can also be a birth supporter.

I am off to my counsellor today. She is lovely. I go to a christian counselling service. I have to go to talk about the a***holes who are abusive & unkind & lack the understanding of how it feels to become disabled & to lose all independance & a decent career which I loved. No, I don't "use" my girls to run about after me - they are absolute angels, blessed by the Lord, and love me - that's why they come straight in from school, come & give me a cuddle and tell me they love me. They are so grounded in knowing that life isn't all roses. They do things for me because they want to, not because they have to. I am blessed.
My husband struggles with what's happened to me, especially when I have these awful spasms where my legs bend up & he witnesses how much pain I'm in. He has his own interests, he can do what he wants.

Alice, my lovely [almost] 11 year old is starting to learn the Ukelele at school. How brilliant is that?! She played in the first ever Okarina orchestra in the district and they have brought in this new instrument for the year 6's. My other daughter, Lizzie, who's in year 8 (how scary's that?) plays the clarinet and has been submitted to take her grade exam. She's only played for about 10 months. They both have natural talent in music. How about that? Beauty and talent?!

Blessings to all my friends who have caught up with me thru various other sites.
Bye for now.

Yet another rainy day - allelulia!

Hi all! First of all, apologies for the big gap in postings. My illness has really got a hold on me at the moment so I have to make use of a 'window' of pain-free time.
I'm still getting over our 2 weeks' holiday in Somerset - 2 weeks of pouring rain. The first week we were at a Christian conference ('New Wine'). This was our 13th year of attending, and it felt like it. It was probably not the best thing for me to have gone to but the kids, Geoff & my mum all have a whale of a time, it's just me that's a problem. I have a grievance with God at the moment. I have anger that he has allowed me to get to this state of poor health and to receive such awful negligence of care after I have given my life to the care of others since I was 16.
I couldn't bear being in the main celebration arena. I have to have a manual wheelchair when I'm away as my buggy won't go in the boot. The disabled parking was on a stony area about 200 yards from the door of the arena. I was screaming in agony when Geoff was pushing me from car to door, then having to be thrusted into the arena over a [what seemed like] huge lump. I was crying in the end. One of the young stewards came up to me & just held me. She was so caring. I couldn't cope with the wet so in the end I stayed back at the cottage & listened to the New Wine radio, so I could listen to the morning Bible study & also the evening praise. We are giving it a break next year.

My illness has affected all aspects of my life. I am under the control of an auto-immune disease which is unpredictable so I don't know how I'll be from one day to the next. It has affected our marriage - some days I absolutely despise him for his total lack of understanding of my illnesses. Do I really want to be like this?? I'm dependant on others, including my girls, bless them. They run around for me & love me. You would think that having witnessed me having a respiratory arrest (June 2006) that he would realise how fragile my life is & make good use of the time given.
My friends have turned their backs on me. I can't do all the fun things anymore. One friend (of 30 years +) said I was "on drugs" because I was on a slow-release morphine. So she kept on referring to my being on drugs. For God's sake, I can't help being like this & I need adequate pain relief to keep me going. I have a patch now, which is better but for whatever reason it won't stick on me so I have to have micropore to stick it on! Trust me to be awkward!
Some days I feel so low that I just want out of it. If it wasn't for my lovely girls it would be so easy. They are the reason to live. They are growing up so quickly - Elizabeth (Lizzie) is in year 8 & Alice is in year 6. They are both starting puberty, so they need me in this difficult time. When they come in from school we have a "pow-wow", talk about what they've done at school etc. We talk about all sorts of things -- things I didn't know about at their age!! But I want them to be street-wise.
My 'working dog' Rosie hates it when I'm out of sorts - especially if I have to have the doctor in. When I was bad in February I had 2 doctors & 2 Paramedics trying to force me to go into hospital. She was going beserk. She'll lie beside me with her chin on me & won't leave my side. She is my caring angel on 4 legs.

I still do my scrapbooking when I can. I have decided not to run my Thursday scrapbooking evening as a get-together of friends rather than a class. We're all at the same level so it takes the pressure of me & also if I'm poorly & have to cancel, I'm not left with a load of kits. I also try to get to the Saturday all-day crops as much as I can.
I have just one more page to complete & Jen & Carl's wedding album is finished!! I can only do scrapping for a short period of time & it's very much when I can. Jen's very forgiving & is looking forward to seeing it.

Finally, Paul (if you read this) I was so chuffed to hear of your good news! Bless you both X

Friday 18th July

I have been so low this week I couldn't get out of bed without feeling like I was going to collapse. My tummy was blown up like a balloon & I couldn't eat a thing. I was also so depressed that I just didn't see the point of carrying on anymore. it's my girls & grandkids that give me a reason to live. If I didn't have all that I think things would be different. People think I actually enjoy being like this (huh?) and say "you look okay to me". It's a well-used phrase that people use when they talk to those who suffer with Fibromyalgia. I have also been told by my GP that I've got to live with my breathlessness as my lungs are bad. I've also been told that the burning pains I get in my finger joints & right knee is due to the Rheumatic side of the FMS - basically I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. It just gets better & better. One day I'll put the whole list of [various & personal] symptoms experienced by FMS sufferers. It's no holiday & I hate not having the money I used to earn.

My apologies to my 'girls' for cancelling the class last nite. I was so out of sorts that I wouldn't have been any good at all. Why does everything hapen when I'm going to hold my class? That's a real demon getting in. I shall be holding the class next Thursday instead, if it suits everyone. It's a shame as the kit is so brilliant - monochrome B&W. I have done a wedding photo, it certainly lends itself to a wedding photo. It's good value too.

I'm hoping to get going on Jen & Carl's album. I have practically finished it & it just needs 'tweeking'. I'm such a perfectionist. I find it so hard to get going these days - I have really lost my 'mojo' since I was in hospital. I'm going to do a 'ScrapJammies' kit layout to get me going. The monthly kits are wonderful for when you 'lose it'.
I then need to start my son & daughter-in-law's album. I did the first page ages ago - an engagement photo. It sets the scene for the album. I'd love to do it all in monochrome but I think they may not appreciate it as much as I would but I shall be doing a few monochromes in between as i have ordered an extra monthly class kit for me!!

I have speaking on the phone with one of my husband's clients. She usually phones his mobile but she said she felt that she should phone our land-line! We ended up 30 minutes talking. She has encouraged me to use my skills in a different way. I'd love to host a drop-in breast-feeding / pregnancy group where mum's & dad's can come & chat & if they have any questions etc.
I'd also like to help mum's on-line. If they have questions etc. I am an advanced breast feeding consultant & midwife. I also have a diploma in palliative / cancer care so I could just be there for those who are suffering or who have loved ones who are & need support & care. Why should all my qualifications go to waste? There must be something out there....

Take care blog readers!!

Tuesday

Sorry I've neglected you all but I've been that busy.
My son married his sweetheart, Kelly, on the 30th June. It was a civil ceremony held at one of the 'posh' hotels in Tunbridge Wells. Although we are a Christian family, Ian was put off by a "Bible-Basher" and although he respects our faith he didn't want to be a hypocrite and get married in a church. Despite this, the wedding was amazing. They looked so loved up & Kelly cried when the registrar named them man & wife. My girls were bridesmaids and they looked so grown up, I was so proud of them. We're totally wiped - out financially, we're still paying off Jen & Carl's wedding from last June! I just emptied out my e-savings account & gave them all that money and Geoff paid for the suit-hire. Now we shall have to start saving for the girls' university fees etc & weddings!

We're off to New Wine the first week of August. I had to withdraw money from my members ISA Bond (aka my pension) in order to pay for the holiday. I hope it's worth it! My mum is coming with us. She's on a Baltic cruise at the moment. I would prefer something hot - she had to pack her winter clothes sod that for a lark!!

The next Southborough Scrappers club nite is this Thursday coming. The kit is gorgeous. It's monochrome and contains:

1. 3 sheets cardstock
2. 8 sheets papers!
3. 14 'grand adhesions' 3D & glittery stickers
4. 128 'clearly yours' alphabet stickers (different sizes)
5. 13 die-cut stickers
6. 33 die-cut shapes
7. Templates

The Theme of the kit is WEDDINGS. I have posted my example (right) but there's enough kit to make at least 3 layouts. You can use 2 6x4" photos or, as I did, a 7x5" photo. It's clearly up to you. Just enjoy your kit & the company!!

Whoops

Sorry that I didn't get round to doing the sample layout as promised. I had all intention of doing it but as my son gets married on Saturday, everything has gone a bit haywire round here. I'm trying to get my head round the fact that i felt so left out, in comparison to my input with jen's wedding. Kelly did ask me to help with the 'favours' - we did those on Saturday afternoon - and Ian has now decided to leave from here after all, instead of going from my Sister-in-law's place, as I was so upset (he made me cry).
I know I have let my family down, having this Fibromyalgia. I have lost all my energy & enthusiasm with life, and I get so hyper-sensitive. I would give my eye teeth to be like I was before I got this, but I know I have to accept that I won't be like I was but instead to make good use of my good / better days to do something worthwhile (at the moment it's a bit of spring cleaning). My counsellor has helped me to come to terms with my loss of self-esteem & self-worth. I know I have skills that I can use but it's taking that step of faith.... My scrapping evenings give me such pleasure.

Manic Monday!

Sorry haven't been on here for a bit but the ol' gremlins have been at me again. They make my legs go spastic & twisted at night so I have to call out (very loudly) to my husband to come & help me to ease the pain. He has to massage my legs & they twtch like mad. My arms twitch too; when I was holding my baby granddaughter yesterday I had to pass her over as my hand was having a life of its own. This is a relatively new aspect to my illness. It started happening following my awful experience in the Kent & Sussex Hospital (aka "Kent & Snuffit!")in February. I'm still awaiting a response to my letter of complaint, the letter has gone to the chief exec, and they have asked if they could have a 2 week extension as their investigation is taking more time. I still get upset when I think or talk about my experience & I'm very nervous when I go out, I can't wait to get home. My Faith has also taken a battering, I feel I cannot worship a God who has dealt all this to me. I have loads of friends in our church who visit me & bring food round so Geoff doesn't have to cook, so I feel guilty but I'm reassured that my faith will return. It reminds me of the poem 'Footsteps'.

I will be holding my club nite, as scheduled, on Thursday coming (19th). I have some wonderful kits that require lots of cutting & chalking. I will have a large selection of chalks for you to try. The kit suits a black & white photo. I will do an example today (hopefully) & post it up on here. I look forward to seeing you all!!

My son gets married on Saturday, to Kelly. The wedding, a civil marriage, is taking place in a hotel in Tunbridge Wells. Whereas I was full-on with my daughter jenny's wedding preparations, I have had very little involvement with Ian's. I feel a bit left-out really, but it's up to them.
The girls are being bridesmaids. They are wearing ruby red dresses in a grown-up style. The colour compliments their skin colour. I can't say any more in case he reads this!! He's my only son (my eldest) and he's so much like my dad (who died in 2000). My dad would have been very proud of him, the way he's got himself settled in a career and I know he would have liked Kelly.
I'm proud of all my 4 children. I make it sure that I tell them how much I love them & how proud I am of each one of them every day. My relationship with Jen has blossomed & I love the [smelly] socks off her. Since I've been ill the relationship I have with my children, my husband & my mum has changed completely. The 2 youngest - Lizzie, as she likes to be called, is 12 and Alice is 10 - they argue as to whos turn it is to change my Morphine patch for me! They can't wait to get into their pyjamas & join me in my [single] bed when they come home from school, for a cuddle. On most days my body can't cope beyond 3 or 4pm and I have to rest.

Anyway, I think that's all for now. My neck is burning where I have Spondylosis, so I have to limit the time I sit unsupported. I have one of those ergonomic chairs which are good for the lower back but it doesn't help my neck.
Thanks for reading my blog. My counter gave up at 1,600 odd hits! I'll get round to replacing it. Bye for now!